day 1: hindsight of a melt down

A few days ago my sewing machine decided to stop working.

I could not believe it, “not now I have way to much to do” is all I could think.  I started breathing quickly, shaking a little and then the tears started to flow.  Kennedy came into my sewing area and started crying because mommy was crying.  Trying to tell her it was “okay” and that “mommy was fine”, didn’t help much as I started to sob in that can’t catch your breath kind of way.  Remembering I have to be a parent at this moment, I asked Kennedy to help me settle (in our house this is how we calm her down, deep breathing basically, “smell a flower, blow a bubble).  After about a half an hour, I started to calm down enough to think, first thought “call mom.”

My mom picked up the phone and could instantly tell something was wrong.  “Is something wrong?”  “No, I have a question (holding in tears) the sewing machine won’t stay on (tears flowing, breath is all I could think) do you know what that means?”  “No, I can hear that you’re not okay.”  More hysterical crying, sobbing, shaking from me.

Long story short, mommy came to the rescue the next day with a new sewing machine! (Mom you’re awesome!)

Why am I telling you all this sob story of mine, well because this moment has recharged me, in a way.  It’s almost like I needed to melt down completely to realize I can do this craft show, I can create a huge inventory, I can be a small (very small) business owner.  The to-do lists are out of control, the scissors are cutting and the new sewing machine is whizzing   I feel like my mind is bursting with ideas, I almost wish I melted down earlier.

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